practically everyone with a computer has watched it.

Oh, I know you’re thinking, “Nobody in my house would watch that stuff.” But, you’re probably wrong. The average age for a person to first view Internet porn is age 11. That’s when curious youngsters become interested in their developing sexuality and seek information about sex.

And, it gets worse as young people get older. Studies indicate that 20% of male teens in college are watching porn nearly every day. It beings with the freedom they experience being away from home and the availability of broadband Internet in their dorm room. Unsupervised, they can watch porn any time they want. From curiosity to pastime to a regular habit and then to addiction, the progression is well known.

Adults are no better off. Half of the men at a recent Christian Promise Keepers conference admitted to having watched porn in the week before the conference. Surveys indicate that two-thirds of young men and nearly half of young women feel pornography is an acceptable way to express sexuality.

Addiction to porn occurs like any addiction: in the brain. Neurons become wired together and neurotransmitters start exciting the brain’s pleasure center. This produces a strong compulsion to watch porn and masturbate as the primary means of experiencing pleasure. It becomes the main way of soothing stress and disappointment. And, it can become more important than homework, family responsibilities, or a job.

Internet pornography has become a major problem in the last few years because Internet porn is:

- Accessible: It’s available on any computer at any time
- Affordable: Soft porn is free but the desire for more intense porn typically requires a subscription
- Anonymous: You can find lots of porn without creating a log on or giving your name or email address
- Additive: It changes the brain to depend on porn for pleasure
- Aggressive: Popup ads follow you around the Net enticing you to return to watch more porn

The primary way of keeping porn out of your home is to use filtering software programs. There are a number of programs that can block porn sites as well as sites that involve violence and hatred. Even if a search engine returns links to these sites, they will not be displayed when the links are clicked.

Filtering software is helpful for young people who, out of curiosity, might go to a sexually oriented site. But, older children can easily access Internet porn at a friend’s house or at a library. And, some filtering software programs can be “hacked” to permit access to porn sites even while the software is active.

Help for people already addicted to Internet porn is readily available. There are a number of organizations similar to Alcohol Anonymous with 12-step programs designed for those addicted to porn. Some mental health professions now specialize in helping people addicted to porn with individual sessions or group sessions.

Are you afraid that you could be addicted to porn? Do you wish you had more freedom to choose whether to look at it or not? Would you like to understand what compels you to look at sex for hours on end?

My husband and I found a way that helped him like nothing else could. I want to share it with you in hopes that, if you are looking for a way to understand yourself and your relationship to porn, this will help.

I won’t be going down the road of shaming you or trying to convince you that what you are doing is wrong or harmful. If you are anything like my husband, you are in a constant battle with your desires and already have plenty of self-deprecating thoughts. I don’t want to add to those in any way. Actually, the best approach is to be kind to yourself and let go of the shame if you can. Instead, begin to look for what you’re really after when you look at porn.

Everything we do is an attempt to meet needs. Everything! Porn is a strategy you use in an attempt to meet needs of yours. Those needs are precious and important; they are your vital life force seeking expression through your actions. That is why looking at porn has such a powerful grip on you. If you can see the needs clearly, see what it is that you are actually after when you look at porn, you will begin to see yourself more clearly. That clarity will transform your relationship to porn and give you freedom to make other choices to find more fulfilling ways to meet your needs.

Exploring what needs you are meeting may take some time and effort but is well worth it. I call it conscious porn because that is what this is about. It is about bringing awareness to what is an unconscious, habitual ritual in your life. You choose to look at porn because you get something out of it-something deeper than quick sexual gratification. If you can identify what that something is, if you can discover what you’re looking for, you will have more choice about how you get it.